I recently saw a letter in which a woman told how she had become, in effect, a sex slave to her au pair girl. Well, I am now in my early sixties, and a grandmother (though still attractive and sexy, I hope), but this letter aroused all sorts of feelings in me because I was once in the same position. Indeed, several times I masturbated over it, remembering my own experience I think I have plucked up the courage to tell you about it and so I thought I had better strike while the iron is hot!
I was in my mid-thirties at the time, married to a very wealthy man, who was also a workaholic and frequently away or abroad on business and tired when at home (an old story, I know), so whilst I had a very pleasant lifestyle, there were some things very much lacking in my life. I had one daughter of four and a new baby girl who was about six months old at the time I am writing about. I was then very attractive, rather petite, and sexy enough to get quite a few propositions which, apart from the occasional snog or grope at a party, I didn’t dare do much about because of the risks, though God knows I was frustrated and horny enough for almost anything.
We always had an au pair to help me with the children and, at that time, we had a Swedish girl, Heidi, who was about 22. She was a typical Scandinavian beauty — tall and statuesque, and very beautiful indeed. There were men buzzing around her all the time and I was always surprised that she never seemed to have a date, though sometimes she went out with her girlfriend, Anna, another Swedish au pair working locally. She was good with the baby, and we became good friends, though sometimes I would see her eyeing me up, and occasionally she would touch my arm or squeeze my hand when speaking to me and especially when sympathising that I spent so much time alone. I didn’t think too much about this, but later it all fell into place, as a slow, careful seduction — except I realise now I was in such a state that I was a most willing and easy victim.
Anyway, I am getting ahead of myself.
One quiet, relaxed evening, she was giving my baby her evening feed with a bottle, and I was sitting, already in my nightie and gown, on the sofa. She took the baby up to bed and then came down, still holding a half-full bottle. She sat down beside me and said,
‘Ruth, you look so sweet sitting like that. Just like another baby girl.’
I can’t quite explain my reaction. I was softened by the gentleness in her tone and, at the same time, felt that warm and wet feeling between my thighs. Heidi continued,
‘Sometimes I think you need looking after, too.’
I found myself saying, ‘Oh, yes, I do,’ and weeping a bit.
Then, in one swift movement, she put her arm round me, pulled me into a sort of embrace and put the teat of the bottle into my mouth, saying,
‘There, there. little Ruth, let Heidi look after you.’
I found this attention, and the feeling of being cared for, very comforting and loving and snuggled into her, sucking gently on the bottle. She pulled me up on to her lap and sat me there, like a baby feeding, and kissed me gently on my face. Then, and a wonderful moment it was, too, she unbuttoned her blouse and pulled me towards her breasts and offered me her nipple to suck. I was lost.
I started to suckle from her breast as her hand went down between my legs into the wet warmth that was rapidly developing there. I don’t ever remember feeling so loved and so aroused.
As I lay there in her lap, being mothered, and at the same time felt her fingers playing with my sex in a most knowing and skillful way, I was in seventh heaven. I became more and more excited as I licked and sucked her breasts and she manipulated my pussy and clitoris and I very soon reached a huge orgasm.
When I had calmed down, I thanked her and asked her what I could do for her. She said,
‘You can do two things. The first is to become my regular baby and let me feed you, and boss you and punish you when we are alone and look after you in every way. The second thing will be proof of your agreement to the first.’
Saying that she pushed me to the floor, pulled her skirt up (she was wearing no panties, so the minx had obviously planned all this), spread her legs wide, then pulled my head in between her legs, making it quite obvious what she meant. And I didn’t hesitate and was immediately between her thighs licking and sucking her soaking, but very sweet, cunt until she, too, had an enormous orgasm. When that was over, she said,
‘Well, then, that is agreed?’
I nodded and said, ‘Oh, yes, please.’
So started a wonderful few months. Whenever we were alone together, which was frequent, I became her baby and she treated me exactly as such. I was bottle fed as well as ‘breast fed’, bathed, even made to play with dolls!
In due course, she also started to put me into nappies and to supervise my toilet visits, even when we were away from the house, cleaning me up afterwards. Often if, as she put it, I was ‘a naughty baby’, she would put me over her lap and spank me quite severely either over the nappy or on the bare bottom, which I also grew to love and which always aroused me very much, even though it often hurt enough to make me sob. And of course there were lots and lots of orgasms, and I frequently licked her pussy and her breasts and gave her satisfaction, too. It was all wonderful; at long last I was getting the love and the sexual attention I so much needed, and the satisfaction, too. I was also getting a wonderful feeling of being wanted, and of being looked after, and all without the risks of a conventional affair. I couldn’t have been happier — except, of course, when my husband was home and the opportunities for Heidi and I were so much more difficult to find.
After some months, she introduced me properly to her friend Anna, and gradually she was introduced into our games, because Heidi said that, since she was returning to Sweden before long, she wanted me to be ‘adopted’ by someone she could trust to look after me properly.
I became used to being shared by the two girls, and to like being dealt with by Anna, too, though she was rather stricter than Heidi and certainly delivered a much tougher spanking! We used to go out as a threesome sometimes, when I could find time away from my own children, behaving as far as we decently could in public as a couple with a young child (me), and this used to give me huge sexual excitement, knowing that people who saw us didn’t realise that I was their ‘child’, was wearing a nappy and sucking a dummy in the car and was probably storing up trouble and a spanked bottom when I got home!
Sometimes I would go out just with Anna, leaving Heidi to look after my kids if that was the only option, and she was certainly more demanding. More than once, she pulled the car off into a lay-by to spank me for bad behaviour! On one never-to-be-forgotten occasion, she put me over her knee for a spanking in the far corner of a car park, which had other people in it. The thought that we might be seen was very exciting for me and, even though I was sobbing with pain and shame, I was as horny as I have ever been, and practically tore Anna’s panties off to get my tongue at her cunt when she had finished. This was probably the most exciting single experience of my life, but later on I always wished it had happened with Heidi. It was always Heidi with whom I was really in love.
Eventually, Heidi went back home to Sweden after a very passionate and tearful farewell, and so, after only a few months ‘in charge of me’, did Anna, and I have never managed to replace all the wonderful things we did together. But by then I had finally realised my true sexuality, and soon after that my husband and I were divorced, leaving me as a very highly sexed and very submissive woman approaching her forties, in desperate need of younger women to dominate me (it was quite clear to me that a lot of my excitement came from the fact that it was much younger women who dominated me).
For a while I carried on a very explicit and enjoyable correspondence with Heidi, where she continued to teach and direct me, and I reported my behaviour to her whilst she awarded ‘punishments’, but eventually even that finished because she settled down with another girl and adopted two children and it all had to stop. In the end, I managed to find ways of meeting suitable young women who were able to mother me in the same sort of way, so that I could continue my very satisfying new sex life, even though it was never again to reach quite the same heights as with those two.
I did once almost think I could go back to the wonderful ‘Heidi days’. When my elder daughter (who is as straight as they come, but has accepted my very different sexuality) had her first child, her sister-in-law, Helen, used to come and help her with the baby.
I was in my mid-fifties by this time and Helen was about 28.
The sight of this very attractive girl nursing a baby raised all the old excitements and I found I used to become wet and aroused just watching her do it. Moreover, Helen and I recognised each other straight away for what we are, and so I wondered if I might persuade her to pick up Heidi’s role. We found ourselves together at a party in a neighbour’s garden one night and it wasn’t long before a bit of hand-holding and stroking turned into deep kissing and mutual masturbation and we had a very exciting session. When I saw her next, a day or two later, there was a slight embarrassment, but we finished up snogging again on the sofa.
At that point I told her, very tentatively and carefully, but perhaps a bit too clumsily, what I really needed and hoped for, and asked her if she was interested. She was initially a little taken aback, though quite interested, but it turned out she was already in a relationship with a female lover. They allowed each other licence to play with other women when they were separately at parties, or when other opportunities arose (provided they told each other all about it), but she felt she couldn’t embark on a permanent relationship of the kind I wanted and said she was sure her partner would not allow it. So, rather sadly it came to nothing — apart from the occasional cuddle or snog, and one very enjoyable night together when I got some of my wishes at the cost of knowing that her partner would hear all about it. Since then I have always had to make do with girls I am able to meet at clubs or at parties. Fortunately, I can still usually find interesting and attractive younger women. But it has never been the same as that very first experience all those years ago.
So, although it was nearly thirty years ago, I have never forgotten Heidi, in many ways the great love of my life and the girl who taught all me about myself and about my needs. I often wonder what became of her and how it would be if we ever met again after all this time.