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THE MOMMY MANUAL
Special DPF Report For the new (or experienced) mommy
Posted in honor of the timeless dedication of Tommy of the Diaper Pail Friends site.
The Mommy Manual has previously been (and still is) available in printed format to Listed Members who are also either Subscribers to the DPF Newsletter or Members of BabyClub.
Effective September 1, 1999 The Mommy Manual was made available FREE on line to all AB's everywhere
This manual is written for the new (or experienced) mommy who wants to know how to make this experience a happy one for both mommy and adult baby. We hope you find it interesting and helpful in your search for ways to share your lives together.
WHY ADULT BABIES AND MOMMIES?
Why should a woman enjoy forcing or easing her husband into an adorable and/or humiliating costume of diapers, plastic panties and baby clothes? What would make a man, often a powerful, highly paid professional, gladly submit to (or crave) this kind of treatment. What is so much fun about playing mommy/baby games?
The reasons generally fall into three categories. First, there is the joy of escaping into a fantasy world. Second, there is the sheer sensual delight of the costumes, the emotional risk, and the physical stimulation. Finally, there is the bliss of sharing the deepest possible intimacy and trust between two people.
The Joy Of Fantasy
No matter how pleasant and fulfilling one's daily life is, sometimes we all need to escape from our roles as responsible adults, dutiful workers, or dedicated family members. The more stressful our role is, the further it is from our own deepest impulses, the more we need an escape from the limitations of everyday life. Some people use alcohol, drugs or gambling to transcend their ordinary lives, but these activities generally prove to be both destructive and unsatisfying. The escape provided by a rich fantasy life, however, can be constructive and extraordinarily fulfilling. Instead of destroying true intimacy, a shared fantasy increases it. Instead of harming the body, sexual release helps it. Instead of stifling the needs of our true self, fantasy allows us to express and realize our true needs.
A New and Powerless Self
But what pleasure can a male find in the role of a submissive baby, a role that many people might see as embarrassing or demeaning? Can it be that he has an inner need, a secret self that he cannot acknowledge or express in his ordinary life? Has he been taught that boys mustn't cry, or wear frilly clothes, or be passive? Does he feel constantly pressured to be strong, to be silent, to be a macho man?
Maybe he needs to play the role of a diapered baby or little schoolboy so that he can express emotions that are normally forbidden to him, and to wear taboo clothing. Given society's constant demands on men to be masculine, to take charge, to succeed, to get it up and keep it up, to do instead of be, it is no wonder that even the strongest, brightest, and most successful male may seek contact with his hidden softer self in his relationship to a "mommy's" firm but kindly rule.
The pleasures of the adult baby are the polar opposites of (and therefore closely akin to) the pleasures of the "Mommy". It is a truism that all polarities express the opposite ends of a single principle or idea. Like yin and yang, darkness and light, baby male and mommy need one another to be complete.
The baby male enjoys being 'mommied' because it feels good. His major reward is sexual pleasure of an exceptionally intense and prolonged nature. Some of the components of that pleasure may not seen too enjoyable - spankings or enemas - but even these are pleasurable, partly because they are so intense, and partly because they promote a psychological letting go. Baby play in a wet or dry diaper usually enables a male to achieve a splendid orgasm (if his Mommy permits).
The Freedom to Feel
Paradoxically, many people find Mommy and Baby fantasies liberating in that they give real permission to let go and enjoy acts, clothes, or sensations that are otherwise hidden or discouraged. Moreover, even a naughty baby need feel no guilt for enjoying these things; not only does his strict or gentle mommy put him (or force him) into those ruffled panties or that demeaning position, she also "punishes" him for his transgressions. The scenario of misbehavior, punishment, and forgiveness is a classic Aristotelian plot that offers both actors emotional catharsis.
The baby's release sometimes may even includes tears During fantasy play, many 'babies' resolve other tensions in their lives. Some males cannot cry except in the context of their fantasy life. Others need to express other taboo emotions: like fear, anger, rebellion, contrition, submissiveness or helplessness. After a forbidden outburst, his Mommy can punish him and then offer forgiveness and consolation.
Adult babies, especially those in positions of extraordinary responsibility, often seek respite from the stress of having to constantly make decisions. It's a relief to be told precisely what to do and how to do it, to have the penalties for mistakes so clear-cut and so immediate. A session of disciplining a school age boy who wets his pants, for example, may be painful but it is also sure to have a happy ending. Real life is never so well choreographed or so satisfying.
Without trust, a Mommy/Baby relationship is impossible. Only trust allows the partners to discuss their fantasies in the first place, much less act them out in great detail. If the fantasy entails some humiliation or pain (and what baby fantasies do not have at least a little of this?), the deepest possible trust is necessary to make the relationship work. In fact, one cannot imagine a truly satisfying mommy/baby relationship outside the bounds of marriage or a long-term commitment. One-night stands simply don't work as well. It is impossible to pick someone up, learn each other's needs, fulfill them, and then disappear, all within the space of a few hours.
By giving himself over to his mommy, a male is saying, "I trust you completely." But what does that trust entail?
First, the Mommy is responsible to know and respect her partner's desires. If she strays too far from his desires, he may feel frustrated, disappointed, and unsatisfied. If she goes too far beyond the edge, he could be hurt, emotionally or physically. Learning how to satisfy a man's needs and limits is a complex process, and it takes time.
Nevertheless, once that trust has been established, it is one of the greatest sources of joy in a marriage. Many 'mommies' know that their husbands trust them completely. The 'babies' know that their mommy is responsive and loving to their more conventional needs, and that he can trust her.
A good mommy also knows that her husband would never be unfaithful. Being a good mommy makes him want to stay home with his loving Bride. If you believe that males are fated by nature to stray because they crave sexual variety (a view that may be biologically accurate for primates living in the wild, but not for human beings living in an advanced civilization), think again. The great majority of happy adult babies have no "need" to be unfaithful; between plain vanilla intercourse and adult-baby scenes, they get quite enough sexual variety at home.
Perhaps most important, sharing fantasies deepen the bonds between husband and wife. An adult baby male knows his Mommy/Wife understands his deepest sexual needs (needs he may have always been too ashamed of and too frightened to share). He will be a contented, faithful, and affectionate husband. A Mommy/Wife who understands her husband's fantasies well enough to construct a satisfying play/session for him will also understand other vital things about him, and she will be strong enough to demand her rights and consideration too. Marriages in which the wife sometimes plays the Mommy role are often the most egalitarian and the most truly satisfying. Furthermore, the adult/baby relationship is often played out as a switch: one time she takes control, the next time he does. Such trust and intimacy are bound to make for a very happy marriage.
THE MOMMY ROLE
The wife or woman who enacts the Mommy role enjoys the intoxicating sensation of complete power over her baby. Few males are as readily dominated as the adult baby. Moreover, in this fantasy the Mommy and Baby are unusually close and intimate; the emotional distance so necessary in many other kinds of Dominance/Submissive fantasies are completely inappropriate here.
For the male, this fantasy is a trip back in time, to the cataclysmic era of babyhood. No baby understands that things change, that what he is experiencing in this moment is not eternal. To an infant, all sensations are overwhelming: he is totally helpless and totally loved or totally punished.
The intensity of these feelings is enhanced by his absolute irresponsibility. A baby has no duties; he cannot work, plan, or decide. All he can do is feel. He luxuriates in sensations, emotional and physical, piercing, tumultuous, ecstatic. Some of these delights are understandably forbidden to the adult: the warm wet pleasure of soggy diapers for example, or the bliss of drinking from a nippled bottle. If modern society permitted grown-ups such indulgences, no one would ever get any work done; we would all be occupied in counting our toes, sucking our thumbs, and keeping one hand down our diapers, exploring the various features of our hidden physiognomy. Also, there would be no one to change those diapers when they grew chilly and uncomfortable, to bring us bottles, or tuck us in at night. Only the adult infant has the pleasure of escaping from grown-up duties to become a baby again.
The Elements Of Fantasy
The Adult/Baby fantasy is designed to make the baby feel loved and protected on the one hand, or thoroughly embarrassed and punished on the other. In short, it often re-creates infancy in all its aspects. A careful Mommy will see to it that the script, costumes and setting all maintain the illusion of an all-powerful, loving Mommy in charge of a helpless yet secure baby.
Of course, it should not be necessary to point out that the adult-baby is an infant only in fantasy. This play is meant solely for the amusement of consenting adults, not for imposition on helpless and innocent children.
At least in the beginning, a simple script or idea is best. While enacting the role of an infant, your adult baby is incapable of making lengthy confessions or performing complex service. You as Mommy will not only be making all the decisions, but also doing all the work. Indeed, the question of which partner is really in charge always intrudes on these scenarios. Although the baby ends up well-diapered or well-punished, he is also a tiny autocrat, demanding food, attention, care, and fussing from his devoted, affectionate Mommy.
Your adult baby needs many of the costumes a chronological infant finds useful. First and foremost, he should have diapers. No baby is well-dressed without them. Large-sized diapers for incontinent adults are obviously available from DPF, including rubber or plastic pants, cloth diapers,and adult-size baby clothing.
For the Mommy of a young infant, a snap-open nursing bra is a nice touch. Exotic dress, heavy perfume, long scarlet nails, and startling makeup are as out of place here as they would be in any nursery. A sense of warm, clean, safe comfort is the goal.
Setting and Props
The nursery itself may be any bedroom, but one decorated for an infant, featuring lots of pink and blue ruffles, lambs and bunnies, and a softly shaded night light is best. The baby should have toys appropriate to his age and sex; stuffed animals are a favorite, along with rattles, pacifiers and books of nursery rhymes for Mommy to read aloud. The only appropriate music is children's music, either recorded favorites of the Mommy's own lullabies, sung in the twilight to put baby to sleep.
Of course, no nursery would be complete without an array of baby bottles, pacifiers, baby powder, clean diapers, and a changing surface of some kind. A potty chair is also a nice touch for Mommies who have older charges or who give enemas. Adult sized potty chairs are available from medical-supply houses, and while they are forbiddingly utilitarian, they can be decorated in a nursery motif using stencils. A small wooden chair for corner time or a wooden hairbrush to maintain discipline is sometimes helpful.
THE SKILL OF A MOMMY
What makes a women a good Mommy? Genuine affection for your charge, mo matter how troublesome he may be, is the first requirement. You may have to discipline his naughty bottom, but your firmness must be tempered by warmth and care. After all, you are doing this not for your own sake, but for his.
If you have ever cared for a chronological infant, you will know exactly what the adult baby wants and needs. Wearing diapers is the height of the experience for the adult baby, but not just the removal of one garment and the substitution of another. There are also all the other rituals of washing, drying, powdering, applying ointment, and so forth. On the other hand, the ritual of the diaper change can be the focus of a great deal of erotic play. It is, in fact, the usual way for the adult baby to achieve orgasm.
If spankings are part of your mommy/baby play, the intensity should vary with the situation. Ordinary naughtiness may demand a brief flurry of fairly hard spanks, but a longer spanking should start slow and build in weight and intensity. The question of whether to leave diapers on or take them off is frequently debated. Although a bare-bottom spanking is classic, a soiled diaper is definitely best left on, no matter what tradition says. A wet diaper might be spanked dry, or the soggy diaper could be pulled down to expose the skin.
Enemas and Corner Time
Some adult baby fantasies include an enema. To make the enema a pleasurable experience, you should decide whether the procedure is a punishment or a health measure and script the scene accordingly. If you have a potty chair, now is the time to seat him in it. Praise and fuss over him once he has emptied his bowels, telling him that now he'll be a good little baby. You might even wash him up, though some Mommies prefer to let baby wipe himself.
THE NEEDS OF A BABY
The needs of an adult baby are not difficult to understand. He doesn't yearn to suffer through ordeals to prove his manhood. He wants to forget his manhood - with all its associated macho posturing, cut-throat competition, lies and insincerity, and adult worries. He wants to return to the simplicity, warmth, and attention he had (or needed) in his earliest years. If you can offer him affection, attention, and some discipline, he will reward you with pleasant play and great affection.
ENACTING THE SCENE
The adult baby is unlikely to challenge your authority per se, although he may throw an occasional tantrum. Nevertheless, the early stage is crucial in the adult-baby fantasy, not as a test of your rule, but as a distinctly pleasurable experience in itself. During this time, you may choose to indulge yourself and your baby in any combination of the following activities:
1. Dressing him in baby clothes
2. Diapering him (these first two are de rigueur)
3. Playing with infant toys
4. Playing peekaboo and other baby games
5. Putting him down for a nap
6. Telling him bedtime stories
8. Using a pacifier
9. Bottle feeding
10. Feeding him baby food
11. Nursing him at the breast
12. Tying him to the crib so he won't fall or crawl out
13. Toilet training
Act Two (Optional)
Sadly, even in the cozy paradise of the nursery, your adult baby may throw a tantrum necessitating a spanking, or he may wet or soil his diapers, in which case you may also choose to sentence your baby to an enema, corner time, stammered apologies, or perhaps slapped fingers.
If you decide to spank him, begin the punishment with a scolding. Pull the boy over your lap and pull down his pants or pull up his skirts, exposing the diaper. You may wish to begin the castigation with the diaper still covering his rosy bottom, later progressing to a bare-bottom spanking. With the naughty baby over your lap, lecture him sternly, but in terms he can understand, telling how disappointed Mommy is with his behavior. Similar techniques are useful in the administration of the enema.
The adult baby is usually happy to break down in sobs at the threat of loosing Mommy's love. He will be contrite and sweet after punishment, hoping to win back his Mommy's lost love.
Consolation for the adult infant is strikingly similar to the initial establishment of your authority. It may consist of cuddling, games, kisses, and so forth. However, to bring the game to a close, you should detect baby's need for a new diaper. While changing him, you may surreptitiously rub and fondle him, until he wets the diaper in a somewhat more adult manner.
VARIATIONS ON THE FANTASY
Sometimes a male prefers to be an older boy in his fantasy. You may choose to become his Nursemaid, Auntie, an Older Girl or Governess in response. An older or naughty boy can be punished for disobedience by a temporary relegation to nursery status. Reducing an "older child", in fantasy, to the status of a baby can be very exciting for both mommy and baby. During the time that you are conducting this fantasy, you must treat your older boy as an infant, with the associated humiliation and embarrassment.